Sleep

Does anyone want a baby? Between the hours of 10pm and 7am, I am renting mine out. Cheap. It’s a bargain people!

Seriously though…why doesn’t my baby sleep????

He’s on exactly the routine all the books say he should be on. His day starts at the same time every morning, he eats at exactly three hour intervals. He eats, plays, and naps in exactly that order. He eats rice cereal in the evenings to keep his little belly full. We put him down to sleep while drowsy but not yet sleeping. We play soothing rain sounds and carefully control the temperature of the bedroom. We wait a few minutes when he starts crying before picking him up in the vain hope that he will put himself back to sleep.

I’ve tried having him sleep beside me; he just wakes up more often. Although, to be fair, if I were sleeping next to a big ol’ plate of delicious food (bacon anyone?), I would wake up and snack all night long too. We’ve put him on his back, on his side, swaddled, un-swaddled, recently bathed, dirty as a pig…

WHY IS HE WAKING UP EVERY HOUR AND A HALF?????

Why God, WHY?????

I might drop dead of exhaustion. This is torture. Literally. This kind of behavior would be illegal if I were a prisoner of war. At least I think that’s true – I don’t really want to Google “forms of torture banned by the Geneva Convention.” I’d end up on some kind of watch list.

zzzzzzzzzzzzWhat was I saying? Sorry I dozed off there a little.

I have been sick for two months straight with this same stupid cough that won’t go away. I simply don’t have enough energy to function and heal at the same time. If only I could get a good night’s sleep. Whimper.

So I ask you, good people of the internet: how do you make a baby sleep through the night?

I want this - for 6-8 consecutive hours!