Crouching Tiger, Hidden Idiot

My husband sent me a text at 5 am this morning: be careful, it’s really slick out and I don’t want you to fall. He’s really sweet.

Today we are experiencing a couple waves, yes waves! of freezing rain – one last kick in the teeth from Mother Nature before it finally warms up for a couple days. For those of you who do not live in the Continental 48, this winter has been unusually brutal with record cold, heaps of snow and a generous dollop of ice. Did I mention the cold? Yeah, I’m going to need a new ass come spring, ‘cause this one has frozen off. It’s like the sun has called in sick for three straight months. Seriously, somebody fire that lazy jerk and hire us a new sun!

Anyway. I heeded Eli’s text and walked very gingerly out to the car to stow my various bags. Then, with even more caution, I carried the baby out. Between his big all-encompassing coat and his –ahem- extensive natural padding, he would probably survive a driveway fall unscathed (really, he’d probably bounce), but I wasn’t taking any chances. I then proceeded to drive to daycare at a safe, sedate, dare-I-call-it grandma pace.

Really, I thought, the roads are not that bad. The city seems to have given up plowing a while ago but I guess we still had a little bit of salt left.

I dropped baby off near the toy bucket, blowing him kisses as he tried to figure out how to grin at me and stuff the whole rattle in his mouth at the same time. You know, just another Monday.

What, I wondered, what all this kerfuffle about the weather today? It was really not that bad.

AAAAAND that’s when I fell down in the parking lot.

My left leg want shooting out to the side and my hands, still clutching a cherry-cheese Danish, smacked into the filthy, wet asphalt. I crouched there for a moment, ninja-style, assessing the situation. Am I ok? Are my pants ok? Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph; DID ANYONE SEE THAT????

Like this but with less smiling
and more shame

Yes, yes and I fervently hope no.

Sigh, I am so over this winter.