Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight. - Benjamin Franklin
Back in the day, before I had all these kids…you know, that magical time when I frivolously wasted all my free time on peace and quiet (and sleep!)…I felt incredibly awkward around young children.
Um hi, I would think, you are small and strange, and you
might bite. Yeaaaah. Please stay over there.
Is this a pretty stupid attitude to hold towards the young
of my species? Probably.
Now that I am a parent, however, I am exactly as awkward around other people’s children.
What? That’s not even fair!
Sometimes when my baby is sleeping, I stare at his beautiful
face and even as I fall more madly in love with him (and both his chins), I am seized
with anxiety that I won’t know how to be his mother as he grows. What if all
our future interactions are a bumbling shambles of maternal ineptitude? Oh my
god, he’s going to get big! I have to baby-proof this entire child-murdering
house RIGHT NOW. We’re all going to diiiiiiiie.
I really am trying to climb down off the CrazyTrain.
How about I get through this day and not borrow trouble from
tomorrow? Also, no matter how it may later feel in hindsight, babies don’t
actually turn into 5 years olds overnight.
I know all this on an intellectual level – just like I know
that I will be spending every day with this baby so it’s not like he’ll be a
stranger to me. And I’m totally not awkward around him now. I’ve learned what he likes and what he needs and I’m sure I
will continue down that path of discovery blah blah blah. The knowing doesn’t
stop the panic.
Maybe that’s why everyone keeps telling me to “Treasure
Every Moment” (that’s not why – they say that because they have completely
forgotten what it’s like to have a newborn). At least when I’m evaluating the
moment to see if I will actually be treasuring it or not* I am not freaking the
crap out about the future.
If you need me, I’ll be over here, taking deep breaths and trying
to stay in the sunlight.
*Kissing his irresistible fat cheeks? Yes! Wiping poop off
his arms – his freaking ARMS people!! – in Denver International Airport? I’m
thinking NO on that one.
Everything is different with your own kid. And since he's a mini-Eli, you'll know a lot about him because of your husband. But try not to panic, there's a reason life only comes at us 24 hours at a time.
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